Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Boobs are out for the taking
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
