Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
