I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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