hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
