First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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