Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
