Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
