So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
