Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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