from now on my penis is your penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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