it wasn't lemon gatorade
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize