A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
