so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
