found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
