i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
