it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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