My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
