I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
