did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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