found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
