I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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