a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
