drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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