I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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