we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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