Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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