I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
