I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
