You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
third nipple confirmed
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize