I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
