the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
