drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
