I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
