I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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