the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Holy sore nipples Batman
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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