I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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