Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
