lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
