My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
