you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
