I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
