I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
