no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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