Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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