There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
