some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
