Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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