Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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