These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
