Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
