I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize