i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sobbing to NWA
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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