i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
