I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
