My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
