I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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