I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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