i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize