thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
is wine microwaveable?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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