Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
