what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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