Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
