I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
is that a dick in a sweater?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
