Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
