Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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