college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
