On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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