Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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