i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
