The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize