i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
